Newspaper

So Maude has this extreme phobia of certain kinds of paper. Newspaper seems to be the worst for her. She hates the way it feels in her hands and especially hates the thought of it being put in your mouth. Chewing on paper, any kind of paper eg. napkins, paper towels, kleenex etc. and she will bug out. She even hates it when I am reading next to her and I turn the page, sometimes you have to rub the page together to make sure you aren't skipping a page, she will hear that sound and yell "Stop that!". I completely forgot about this until recently when a friend of ours was visiting and mentioned it. I thought this would make a perfect addition for our talks. So, whatever you do, do not shove newspaper or any other kind of paper in your mouth while around Maude, or she will become pissed. Wait. In that case, whatever you do, please in order for the Maude rage to come out, put paper in your mouth while around her. Thank you.

Moving Days

So sorry that there has been a delay in posts recently, but Maude and I have moved back up to the Quad Cities and I haven't been able to use teh Internetz. We currently do not have any connectivity at the apartment yet, but come Thursday we will be back in business. Maude is very pissed that the lack of Internet, yes indeed she is. There are more moving stories to come but first I'm going to let Maude calm down a bit from the stress of moving so that when she comes to read this later, she will have a good ol laugh instead of a good ol Mat beating. Be back soon.

Mat.

"Just Decide Already!"

Some days are slow on the make Maude mad front. So today I will reach back into the memory banks to relive some past events. Maude's sister reminded me recently of a trip we took to Peoria to meet with her, her boyfriend, and her mom for dinner. Maude's sister goes to school out in Arizona so we don't get to see her too often. She was home on spring break and we had had a busy schedule so we didn't have a chance to go all the way up to the QC to see here, so that is why we planned the Peoria dinner night.

Now, as you all know, Maude is the queen of planning. She has every minute of the day partitioned out and follows that timeline. If anything happens to break up that timeline, well you will see her get more pissed than ever before. There is nothing more maddening to her that messing up her plans, or at least what she expects is going to happen.

That brings us back to this Thursday night and we both work until 6pm so we were going to leave right after. I am driving and I just so happen to forget to get gas before we leave. Strike one. We are going to be so late, she says. So I gas up and we are on our way. Right before we get to Lincoln she gets a phone call from her sister and all I hear is a "WHAT?!" Oh goodness this isn't going to be good, I thought. Apparently, she had just told Maude that they were still getting their hair done and would be leaving soon. It is about a half an hour further from the QC to Peoria than it is from Springfield. Maude was not pleased. Strike two. However, luckily for humanity, her sister was only kidding and was already on their way. I'm not the only one who likes to get Maude all razzed.

So we are driving over the bridge into Peoria and Maude gets another phone call from her sister. They are there already, in a mall parking lot on the other side of town so we still have about 5-10 minutes to go. This has Maude mad at me because I had to stop and get gas before we left. Of course. So we get to the mall, pull into the parking lot, and start looking for their car. They said they were outside of Macy's and Sears. Well, we find a spot, parked, and got out to go into the mall to find them. Well they were still in their cars waiting for us so again we look around the parking lot, honking our horns, trying to find them. Still nothing. Finally I get the idea to look at the lights in the lot that have the lot numbers and see if we can follow them. We are at C-5. Where are they? G-2. On the other side of the mall. Apparently, the mall is one long strip so while we were sitting outside of Macy's and Sears, it was the opposite side. Maude is furious. Strike three, she has had it.

Now comes the time to find a place to eat. Wait, wait, wait, you might ask, didn't she already have a place planned to eat? No, she did not. And both myself and the rest of her family do not like to decide on one place or another, so this turns into a follow-the-leader escapade to find somewhere to eat. "JUST DECIDE ALREADY!!!" Maude exclaims at one point. We finally decide on a place and find ourselves in a restaurant. Hugs and kisses all around, and you would have never known how pissed Maude really was just five minutes prior. Thats just how Maude's temper is.

"Just for Existing"

I had the computer on my lap surfin the web an Maude comes and sits down next to me. I asked her she wants to watch and episode of "How I Met Your Mother"? She says "Yeaaaaaaah hold on a second" and takes the laptop off my lap. I'm like whoa I haven't got to use the comp all day. I say "whaat?" and try and take it back. She says "your pissing me off!" "what? Why?"

"Just for existing!"


-- Post From My iPhone

Location:Candlewood Dr,Springfield,United States

Crisis Averted

Maude wanted me to go get her a beverage while she was at work today. I decided on going to Panera Bread to get her a frozen mocha. She loves those. What she doesn't love is whipped cream on her frozen mochas. So when the girl asked if I wanted any on it I remembered what happened yesterday when I forgot to ask for no onions or lettuce. So I said no whipped cream. Good deal. Only the person who was making it either is didn't hear no whipped cream or he really wanted Maude to get pissed at me. So when he handed it to me with the whip cream on it I had my future pass through my head. Do I be a good boyfriend and save the day or do I wuss out and piss her off? You may surpised to hear this but I went with the good boyfriend decision. See sometimes I am nice to her.....


-- Post From My iPhone

Location:W Governor St,Springfield,United States

"When did I ever say that?"

Waking up for me in the morning is hard task and most days I'm not always coherent or thinking straight. Maude had to be up earlier than me today so after she got done getting ready and was surfing the web before work, I rolled over and tried to start up a convo just to be nice. "So you are downtown today?" "When did I ever say that?" Ouch. "So you are not at downtown today..." "No" Back to sleep.

Lunch Time Mix Up

Well, it is Maude's last week working at INB and her last day working out at the north branch today. Luckily for me I am working at Sangamon Ave so we got to meet for lunch today. She had an early lunch so I couldn't leave to go get the food so I had to order over the phone. We decided on Monty's Subs and she wanted the Cuban. So I called over there and I ordered the Cuban first. They were out of whatever was on the Cuban. Maude is going to be pissed.

 Now, if anyone knows anything about me, I hate talking on the phone. I have an irrational fear of the phone. It has gotten better of late, but little things will throw me off and I become completely brain dead. So when they said that they were out of the Cuban, I froze. Did not expect that. So then I ordered my sandwich and the only thing I could come up with was a Turkey sandwich. Maude is going to be even more pissed. She hates onions and lettuce. I know that. But not during that phone conversation. So when she went and picked up the sandwiches and I told her what happened, you got it, "did you get it with lettuce and onions?" "yes......damn I'm sorry" "Mat! You know I hate them!". Whoops! That was totes my bad. Didn't even mean to piss her off on that one. She ate it anyway and we did have a nice lunch.

When she had to go back she was already running late and I thought that I would try and cheer her up a bit with a hug. I like to be affectionate, sue me. "I'm gonna be late!" Of course. Pissed off before work! One for me!

I could only imagine what her day must be like at work. I want to be there with a number clicker to see how many times she gets mad from a customer.